Ki Ora whanau! (pronounced far-no)
I’m such a mess, it’s kinda funny. Here I was however many weeks ago (I’ve lost count) promising to try write a post every two or three days, and I haven’t since. I won’t bore you with too much detail, but my life has been one hell of a whirlpool – one that threatens to swallow me whole if I’m not careful! Rehearsals left and right, schoolwork looming at large, family drama, friend’s getting pregnant only to misscarry…you name it, it happened. Right when I thought my life was sweet.
My bible study leader Rose came to the rescue last week, and took me out for coffee. After some emotional downloading on both sides she set me some homework – complete the Myers Briggs 16 type personality quiz. As I’m a bit of a sucker for personality quizzes, I naturally jumped on the computer and completed it rather that finish the 14 page drama script I should have written.
Turns out I’m a Campaigner personality – or in other words a true free spirit with commitment issues to anything boring or threatening to my freedom, ie homework. It described me down to a T – why I love writing and physical activity but can’t seem to settle down with routine, rules, or even just a tidy bedroom. Why keeping a blog going is difficult even though I love writing it!
So in future, lovely humans of mine, if I don’t write in forever – that’s why. My brain has probably completely forgotten my committment in an effort to keep itself entertained…
AAAGHH! Funnily enough the very thing that makes me who I am is what I have hated about myself for a while – my free spirit. I could never keep commitments or continue doing homework or even keep friends because I kept – and keep – being distracted by my horizon. I was brought up with the saying “Be grateful for what you have” and always have I felt guilty about my desire for new things, new experiences, new people. Now though, I know it’s not only me who feels like this, who has the same struggles as this, and who will struggle with themselves like I am.
I am at peace with myself. Finally.
Or at least for now.
I’ll update (hopefully) soon with something a little more interesting. Hope you’re all doing well!
Love you crazies!
Insanity Diaries xox