Sweet Torture…?

Hey Famalam!

Is it possible to become addicted to barley sugars? I won a bunch during the 40 hour famine playing sevens – and by a bunch I mean an entire stash of 52 – a little while ago and just as I was thinking of reducing my sugar intake I realized I hadn’t eaten them at all. So of course I decided to do the brilliant thing of bringing them to school and eating them in class when I get bored, pretending they’re throat lollies as it’s winter and everyone seems to be eating them.

And now three or so weeks down the track I’ve developed a sweet habit I’m trying to break – aided by the fact I can’t buy any more as I’m flat broke – and am now desperately sweet toothed. Now every time in class when I’m bored, despite having run out of lollies, I get a phantom sweet taste in my mouth, and I can’t pay attention….

This is kind of a big problem as it’s already halfway through the school year and Preliminary Exams – or prelims for short – are lapping at my heels, and every time I feel myself get slightly bored I’m distracted by a sweet taste I can’t explain and completely forget to take notes or listen to valuable information regarding the exams. Never mind the fact that I haven’t started to nor can I study without the memory of the sickly sweet lollies clogging my throat.

It’s torture, and I’m trying so hard to ignore it but it really isn’t going away. What do I do? I broke my anime habit with a healthy dose of sleep-deprived panic, but now my sugar habit is even harder to break. Nevermind the fact that I’m headachy and sore all over from senior production rehearsals and sugar has alleviated some of my problems temporarily – long enough to have dinner and go to sleep before the crash.


Some of you may have wondered at the pure randomness of my last post, so I’ll explain a little. I’m so tired of being confined and told what to do it’s infuriating, and I couldn’t even sit still long enough to write a full proper post at the time so I wrote a poem. Wolves are my favourite animal – they really seem to embody everything I hold dear. They are loyal, wild, free, can form packs or be alone. They’re curious, playful, creatures of both day and night, masterful in their hunting, fierce fighters when threatened, and loving creatures to those who’ve earned their trust. I envy them and their resilience, the only thing I don’t identify with is the fact they usually live in cold environments as I personally despise the cold.


So yeah, whatever. Anyone else addicted the sweet bane of human existence?


Love you crazies!
Insanity Diaries xox


Free                             flight
Free                                   fall
Paws                                    spread
Fur                                         rippling
Failing                                    to rise
Instead choosing                                 to soar
Wind in my stride
Freedom in my lungs
Only shadows linking
My body to the ground

Cresent eye ascending
Paths others fear appearing
I bound along them
Joyful voices sounding

I fear nothing – the darkness
Is a friend I love
Gentle beams changing
Ordinary to Fey

Red and brown flashing past
Glinting white sharp and strong
Silver echoing the eye above
Moving with supple strength

As my freedom swallows me whole.

My Personality Test Results (and why I’m such a disappointment)

Ki Ora whanau! (pronounced far-no)


I’m such a mess, it’s kinda funny. Here I was however many weeks ago (I’ve lost count) promising to try write a post every two or three days, and I haven’t since. I won’t bore you with too much detail, but my life has been one hell of a whirlpool – one that threatens to swallow me whole if I’m not careful! Rehearsals left and right, schoolwork looming at large, family drama, friend’s getting pregnant only to misscarry…you name it, it happened. Right when I thought my life was sweet.

My bible study leader Rose came to the rescue last week, and took me out for coffee. After some emotional downloading on both sides she set me some homework – complete the Myers Briggs 16 type personality quiz. As I’m a bit of a sucker for personality quizzes, I naturally jumped on the computer and completed it rather that finish the 14 page drama script I should have written.

Turns out I’m a Campaigner personality – or in other words a true free spirit with commitment issues to anything boring or threatening to my freedom, ie homework. It described me down to a T – why I love writing and physical activity but can’t seem to settle down with routine, rules, or even just a tidy bedroom. Why keeping a blog going is difficult even though I love writing it!

So in future, lovely humans of mine, if I don’t write in forever – that’s why. My brain has probably completely forgotten my committment in an effort to keep itself entertained…


AAAGHH! Funnily enough the very thing that makes me who I am is what I have hated about myself for a while – my free spirit. I could never keep commitments or continue doing homework or even keep friends because I kept – and keep – being distracted by my horizon. I was brought up with the saying “Be grateful for what you have” and always have I felt guilty about my desire for new things, new experiences, new people. Now though, I know it’s not only me who feels like this, who has the same struggles as this, and who will struggle with themselves like I am.

I am at peace with myself. Finally.

Or at least for now.

I’ll update (hopefully) soon with something a little more interesting. Hope you’re all doing well!

Love you crazies!
Insanity Diaries xox


Sunday’s Shenanigans

Hiya Humanity!


Today I’m back at NMIT and enjoying it…mostly. Today seems to be paperwork day in a usually practical environment. I’ve finished my mood-board of 2017 autumn beauty trends, now I just have to write the report on it….

Anyway, the last week has really been a roller coaster! Sunday was heaps of fun, I had a seven hour rehearsal for the senior production – and surprisingly it seemed to be over too quickly! One scene early on in Act 1 is in a nightclub in the main character’s hometown, and I was chosen with three other girls to be a tango dancer in the background. That’s when the hilarity started!

Our director, a grumpy fat old man who gets results, but is actually really nice when you follow directions, had us three girls line up in the middle of the stage, and then yelled out three guy’s names.

‘Who do you think is the prettiest? You boys can choose your dance partner, but first in first serve!’ The boys looked really confused, but everyone else – including myself – started laughing. He told them to move it, and my good friend Daniel yelled pointing at me:

‘Kurt! Pick her, she can dance! Run for it!’

So this really nice guy literally ran towards me, as the other two boys suddenly decided that because I could apparently dance I’d be the best partner. I was nearly knocked over from the boy’s attempts to reach me, and eventually I was paired with Kurt. After laughing for a minute or two Ms Hudson then came round and ordered the girls to put our left hand on the guys’ shoulder, and right in their other hand – all was well. She then told the guys to put their free hand on the girls’ waist.

Poor Kurt was blushing so hard at this point that he could have lit a candle, and slowly put his hand on my waist but was so shy about it he actually tickled me from being to light. Me being me I then did a stupid thing. I grabbed his hand, held it against my waist and told him to place it firmly or it would be awkward… I may have said it a little louder than intended.

Thank my lucky stars that our director was out of the room, because Daniel embarrassed me as all big-brother guy friends seem to love doing by pointedly looking at me and saying:

‘If I see any boy lay his hand one millimeter lower than it needs to be on any girl for any reason, I shall personally escort you to Hell and back!’

I watched as every boy in the hall shifted nervously and poor Kurt, who was the only guy holding his partner (me) ready to dance, got the full warning look from Daniel and backed away from me. I was furious, and turning around told Daniel with a livid hiss:

‘I can take care of myself thank you! I don’t care if you take martial arts now I’d still have a good shot at beating you in a fight like I did when we were kids!’

This made Daniel flinch backward as if I had taken a mock-swing at him, his face near-splitting with the width of his grin, laughing jovially. I kid you not, I was redder than a tomato when I realized what I had done in front of everyone – even the teacher was staring at me with shock and, maybe, a little fear.

I couldn’t help but laugh at myself, and the entire cast soon joined in. By the time our director got back we were all on the floor panting, sides shaking as we tried – and often failed – to catch our breath. I spent the rest of the rehearsal with the guys carefully stepping around me, but they seemed to think I was also one of them and I made some good friends.

What are your plans for the weekend?

Love you all
Insanity Diaries xox


Continuity and Frozen Peas

Bonjour Humans!

After writing a stress beating technique every day for the last week, I’ve realized just how much I love writing in my blog. I’ll be the first to admit, this means I haven’t exactly been keeping up with schoolwork, but I’m already so much happier lately. I’ve decided to continue to write a post every one to two days, and make it a habit. So here I am, and I’ll tell you the story of the frozen peas I mentioned in my mini series Coping Techniques.

Whilst I was still a fetus (around 8 years old) I had this amazing best friend called Shayna. Because we were homeschooled we spent way too much time at each other’s place – it was so common for me to be at her place for days at a time to the point where we both had a permanent go bag and spare pillow at our houses and a spare bed permanently setup. One day I was at hers and me being a ‘smol bean’ was in a fanny flap over a Pokemon game where I had unexpectedly come across the legendary Giratina and couldn’t catch it. Shayna, of course, was over excited that I’d even come across it but I was nearly crying from frustration. At that point I didn’t understand video games could be restarted at the last save point and wasn’t the most patient of kids. Shayna then told me to calm down, and we sat at the table whilst she explained strategies rather excitedly to me.

One of our favourite snacks as kids was peas. They were small, tasty, and our parents didn’t mind if we snacked on our greens that would last us ages – they were cheap and we couldn’t demolish a bag very quickly so it kept us out of their hair. Shayna had gotten out a bag to cook, but considering this was our final legendary Pokemon to catch she decided the game was more urgent. I still wanted to eat, and so we poured out a bowlful to slowly thaw, thinking as little kids do that we could cook them faster later. Absentmindedly we began to eat the frozen peas, and we chilled right down.

We were quiet and relaxed for so long Shayna’s mother ended up coming out to check on us, sure something was either up or terribly wrong. She soon realized that we prefered frozen peas to fresh, they were a nice cold treat and crunchy too. The benefits were soon evident – anytime we were stressed or got into a temper for whatever reason, frozen peas would fix it.

I don’t know if there’s any science fact I could use to explain this, but eating frozen peas ever since has helped with my stress levels quite considerably. Maybe it’s more of a psychology thing…I don’t know, I kind of prefer researching solid evidence rather than something that differs per person. Don’t get me wrong – observing humans is fun, but it can be tiring and is pointless trying on oneself.

So yeah, that’s how I discovered frozen peas as both a nutritious snack and the perfect thing for stress-beating binge eating.

I’ll talk to you soon my crazies!

Insanity Diaries xox

Coping Technique 7

Kul feyl jul!

Hiya people! For those of you who read my last post I’m grateful you’re back with me, this final coping mechanism is less taboo than the last, though I know some of my friends claim an allergic reaction to this on a spiritual level whenever I suggest this.



Yes, the dreaded E-word has surfaced, but I wouldn’t recommend this without reason. Many people of all ages seem to hate the idea of exercise, and I don’t really blame them. Who would want to be at the gym at 5 in the morning before school or work when they could be asleep – or better yet bingeing on Supernatural, Sherlock, Phandom memes, Doctor Who, or scrolling through Facebook, Instagram and Tumblr. Nope, for us WiFi dependent members of the next generation, the last thing we want to do is go outside and get sore muscles.  And a headache. And a cramps. And…you get the picture.

Exercise has very numerous pros, a few cons, and a lot of scientific evidence about it. Top reasons to actually do this includes:

  1. Endorphins, your brain’s happy chemicals, are released during exercise making you much happier once your little sweaty session is over
  2. Get’s your heart pumping – keeping it healthy and a healthy heart means longer lifespan
  3. Increases energy levels. Yes, by getting exhausted regularly your body learns to store those excess nutrients as ATP energy (instant energy) rather than fat

Now the last thing I want you stressed folk to do is spend money signing up to a gym, working out hardcore for a week, and then never entering the gym again. The best way to get exercise into your schedule is just after you wake up. Instead of immediately going on your phone or hitting the shower – stretch. Every muscle in your body will feel better if you stretch. After a quick stretch, try a little bit of yoga.

Yoga is not necessarily doing the ‘downward dog’ or ‘king of the dance’ right off the bat! It includes downloading one of the numerous apps out there for yoga routines, and following the beginner course, ‘half moon stretche’, ‘cat pose’, ‘warrior pose’ and so on. If yoga is your thing then bring up the difficulty a bit, and continue as you are comfortable. You will notice a difference reasonably quickly with your flexability. After stretching every day a week before and after going to bed I found instead of only reaching mid-tibia (mid-shin) I could actually touch the floor with my fingertips, no bending of knees required!

If yoga is not your thing, or if your peers are as conservative as my parents and think you’ll be practicing a new religion (there is a lot of spiritual stuff connected to yoga that you can ignore and won’t affect your exercise) then the next thing will sound a bit crazy.


Dancing is a very good way of relieving stress, using Tip 3 to boost yourself you can find yourself huffing and puffing, having fun and getting better muscles because of it. Your day will pass like a giddy dream, and people will give you weird looks because of your new state of stress-free mind. You can dance with a friend, or more than one, and no one is going to complain about a bit of dance music so long as it’s not too loud.

My final suggestion is very fangirl-ish. If you watch anime, or movies like Doctor Strange, choose your favourite action scene. Avatar is a pretty mainstream cartoon, but following along with their element-bending can be a lot of fun and is exercise! Imitate your scene’s fighting style, follow your favourite character and practice waving your arms around, folding your hands in different shapes, high kicks and punches, complicated magical summoning rituals, just go for it. You may look like a fool but you will love doing it because it’s so odd, and next time you go cosplaying as a character from your scene at Comicon or whatever, you can show-off your perfected moves.

That’s all I have for today, I hope you enjoyed my mini series and found something useful from it. I have a seven hour rehearsal for the Senior Production I’m in at school which starts in an hour, and I’m still in my pyjamas so I have to go! Wishing you all the best of luck, whatever your exams!

Love you all
Insanity Diaries xox

Coping Technique 6 (Beware, don’t let your parents see this!)

Greetings Humanity!

As you can probably tell from how late this post is, I slept in (until 2pm, just like any teenager during the weekend, haha 🙂 ) and completely forgot about my commitment to 7 tips in 7 days. So here I am at half past nine at night hurriedly typing this whilst avoiding getting caught…

This one’s gonna be a very weird one, so please don’t judge me too harshly.


Probably the last thing you would expect from a Christian teenaged girl, but there you have it. I’m unashamedly going to admit that this is a technique that is tried and true, and should be given a go by all of you – all gender identities.

Now I understand completely that this is a very hush-hush topic, no one wants to admit to their friends that they have done it (unless its guys competing about who got a boner the quickest – is that just New Zealand?) especially not females. It’s seen by society as gross and disturbing, but remember that general stereotypical society also believes that all teenagers are having sex before they’re twenty. Society is wrong in a lot of ways, and this view is also really stupid. So having sex with someone else is OK – even expected! – but having a sexual release with only yourself is bad? C’mon!

Both guys and girls can masturbate and orgasm on their own, with no one getting pregnant or STI’s transferred or such in the process. Orgasming is a brilliant stress beater, mood balancer, is heaps of fun and also really beneficial. There are no side effects when correctly engaged in, maybe wobbly knees for a bit if you had a really good time but that’s all. If you don’t know how to masturbate (assuming you haven’t already tried) then search it up on google, no matter what your anatomy! If you’re a little shy, which honestly is no problem, use an incognito tab to research it.

Masturbation is a completely safe and normal way the body releases it’s built up sexual tension, tension that causes stress, bad moods, irritability, pimples (!) and loss of focus. And yes, female bodies do do it, it takes a little practice to get to climax but we can do it all the same.

Now I never ever thought until now that I would ever give out sexual advice on my blog – after all I’m a virgin and have never even kissed a guy – but tonight I’m gonna switch up my tune. When you need to masturbate – male or female biologically – the first big issue is privacy. I don’t know about you, but I live in a family of six and with parents constantly crashing into my room at all hours trying to catch me at something I shouldn’t be doing, privacy is one of the hardest things to get. Considering that this technique takes time to complete, not getting caught under the sheets naked by a parent is top priority. The solution is simple:

A shower. No matter what your anatomy, you will always be naked in a shower and as a teenager even the most invasive of parents will allow you to shower without interruption. This is the best place to practice and climax, as any fluid produced is washed away with the water and if you do get interrupted, your hand(s) can move to your leg and you can claim to be washing yourself down. If you can masturbate without any loud moans or grunts, this should do the trick.

Home Alone. Wait until your parents/flatmate/other human(s) are out of the house for a few hours and go for it. You can make all the mess and noise you like without someone knowing exactly what you are up to. Just ensure you allow enough time for clean up and sorting out the house before they get back.

Of course, if you have someone you can and do sleep with, you can just have plain old sex to relieve yourself. But masturbation ensures you an orgasm and no judgement from anyone but yourself for your performance, and you can indulge in any fantasy you might have in peace. No one is going to know and tell if you pick your timings right.

Unlike my other tips, this one takes a lot of practice and isn’t as easily timeable as other activities, but it is very effective. If you have any trouble with this remember everyone is different and problems you have will almost undoubtedly be shared by someone else, for example 1/3 women find it difficult to climax.

If you aren’t comfortable with this tip it’s fine! I admit it’s one of the oddest and least well-known stress beaters and I was quite surprised at the amount of information advocating its use from medical professionals as well. You do you how you do you, and if you don’t want to try this it is completely fine.

Please don’t hate me for suggesting this, it is called The Insanity Diaries after all!

Love you all
Insanity Diaries xox